Hi Friends,

Even as I launch this today ( my 80th Birthday ), I realize that there is yet so much to say and do.

There is just no time to look back, no time to wonder,"Will anyone read these pages?"

With regards,
Hemen Parekh
27 June 2013

Friday, 21 November 1980


There is an urge to write,
to let go ,
to let off
all the random thoughts,
some sacred , some vile,
but all mine  ;

The thoughts have no connection,
no links ;

These are not waters of a 
mountain stream
continuous , inseparable ;

My thoughts are like fire crackers,
exploding random ,
startling even me !

There is this question of existence
your ,
mine ,
( - and then there are others ) ;

The " what " and the " why " of
our lives,
mine ;

There will be some difference
( to others ),
if I were to cease
to exist ;

None to me,
nor to you -
although I am not too sure
about a life after death ,
about re-incarnation,
about finding you in the
world beyond ;

But then
what do I have to look forward to ,
if I continue to breathe,
for another 20 years ?

Death ,
born out of " Shradhha "
( to be united with you,
  in the next life ),
would certainly be better  ;

But before I go to sleep,
I pray for your long life ;

Paradoxically ,
or is it my reverence for you ?
or for life ?

There is one mission to fulfill though ,
one obligation ;

To lessen the suffering of those
who have come to depend upon me ,
for whom my life
could be a means to fulfill
some ambitions  ;

I cannot desert them ;

Whether this is my ego
or an excuse to continue my
stale breath ,
I cannot say  ;

There is also this question
your wanting to go with me -

How desperately though ?

I am ashamed to 
even think of this -

You have not failed me so far
I have been a renegade ;

I have deserted you in the past,
almost :

I have been a weakling
I have let you down  ;

So it is I
who should be asking myself ,
how desperately do I wish
to follow you
to the other world ;

I have a need 
to prove to myself
that I am worthy of
your blind trust  ;

This one supreme sacrifice
can cleanse my past ;
once again 
my glazed eyes can
rest upon your face
without feeling guilty
( I beg you , my friends
  not to close my eyelids
  when I am dead ,
 you have gifted my eyes
 to bring light
 into the life
 of an unfortunate blind )

Most whom I 
( or we ? )
leave behind ,
might think of this
as an act of cowardice
- a running away from responsibilities ;

I beg their pardon,
( I admit ),
for a few minutes of cowerdice
and it is not in our defence
that I beseech them
to ponder over
the tremendous ( almost heroic ),
that you have shown , in particular
that I have shown to a lesser extent
during the decades gone
the years of agonies,
the tears of agonies,
that were camoflaged
two smiling faces ;

I am glad
they could not read the depths
of our eyes !

Yes , dear ones ,
we have tried to grow an
Aso-Palav ,
atop a blazing volcano !

And all those souls
who ever wish to be united
in the life beyond death ,
let them take a small branch
of this Aso-Palav
and plant elsewhere
and tend gently , lovingly
with unflinching faith
in what lies beyond
and the faith will 
come true ;
the faith of Aso
and the faith of Palav ;


21 Nov 1980 


Thursday, 1 May 1980

Only You

I have only you,
You have only me :
That is the only reason
I go on living
With all my imperfections,
And my feet of clay ;

You have accepted me
And closed your eyes,
To the rest of the world.

There are many
Who would want
To touch your feet –
I dare not
Even gaze at your Angel face,
But closing my eyes
When I touched your bosom,
It was to tell you
My reason for existence
Is not me,

It is you.


Wednesday, 30 April 1980

Pillion Rider

I am riding on the bike;
On the pillion seat
You are holding me tight,
Your chin
Digging deep into my shoulder,
And occasionally, your teeth !

If your hair are blowing
In the wind,
I do not know:
My eyes are searching the horizons;
Nor do I see the eagle
You have sighted in the sky –

Ask me not
Why eagle builds its nest
On a distant cliff,
I only know
It likes to soar above the rest ;

Who is more lonely ,
The eagle or the sky ?
The sky has many eagles,
The bird has only one sky !

Your words are blowing away,
Pillion Rider,
Your words do not reach me ;

Soon the sun will set
So hold on tightly
And gently rest
Your cheek
On the nape of my neck,
And wait

For the journey’s end.